The day the lock turned with no resistance

Today I left the house and the lock turned and didn't stick at all when I locked it.  That has NEVER happened to me; not once anytime I've ever locked the door these 3 months.  And earlier this week I locked the door without thinking and was halfway down the street before I realized I had done it.  I actually walked back to make sure I really had locked the door.  Why is she babbling about locking doors you might ask? Well if you remember one of my first blogs when I got here you'll remember the picture from my very first night in Belfast when I couldn't lock the door.

Its the small things that have stuck out to me the most while here.  Often some of the smallest things have been the most difficult, like locking a door.  Many of these small things I can now do without resistance and without thinking.  Its also in the small things that I tend to find the most joy.  The small joys that make me able to get through the really hard stuff.  Things like hearing that the kids from youth club asked about me by name when I wasn't there (granted they use the name Crystal which has been made up for me, but a name I have begun responding to nonetheless.  It shows they really know me and have some surprise when I'm not around), knowing that we have truly become a community when someone lends a hand to pick me up out of the mud and laughs at the end of the game and says the mud is because I rocked out some touch football and not because I fell on my butt, knowing I'm doing a good job because I am assigned a new responsibility which that person had no intention of giving to me but decided to because she trusts me to do it, or merely seeing someone randomly around town in a place I never expected to see them.  The small things are what really show me that I'm doing something right, that I fit in, that I am in the place I am meant to be.  The key is really starting to turn without thought or resistance; I'm finding my routine, my place.

Fail Blog

So my site supervisor Doug informed me I am the worst YAV at updating my blog. No surprise there.  I also fail at using and updating my twitter account.  At least I’m consistently not updating things in my life and at least when I update I REALLY update.  I suggest breaking this one up for reading. Since I’m so terrible at updating you might as well break it up and make it last right? I’ll make it easier for you and divide it into sections.  If I go this long again I truly deserve to be beaten with a club or flogged in the streets.

Macrory and Youth Club

Some individuals recently broke into Macrory hall where we have youth club and stole the piping from the bathrooms.  As a result the hall flooded and since the floors are old and wooden, they swelled and broke.  So the hall has been out of commission for a few weeks.  Youth club already had a lot of challenges facing it before the vandalism, one might think it would bring down morale and slow us down, but it didn’t, not at all.  Immediately after the incident, the minister of Fortwilliam wrote an article which I will paste below.  It explains things better then I could. After we received some donations to help and have been continuing club each Saturday night at a community centre in the neighborhood and things have been going really well.  The Macrory facility is currently being renovated and we should be back in either just before Christmas or right after.  I’ve been learning a lot about the area of Tiger’s Bay (where youth club takes place) and find myself fascinated by the various dynamics which exist in the area.  I am currently in the process of exploring them deeper and will likely write an entire blog on it soon once I learn more.  Buuuuut, the article, which I’m happy to say has brought in some donations to help out.

Things Ainʼt What They Used To Be! A story of hope in the face of burglary and destruction?

I minister in a congregation in North Belfast which has premises on Duncairn Gardens which straddle the so-called ʻpeace-lineʼ between New Lodge and Tigers Bay. Times have been tough - there is no doubt about that. I buried a member of my congregation just a few weeks ago who grew up in Hillmann Street out ʻthe backʼ of the church. That street used to be full of members of what then was Macrory Memorial Congregation but no more. Our Troubles saw to that. But there were fond memories of those days and of course her story and the story of those who ʻhadʼ to move can be mirrored across the board. Itʼs just to say - times have been tough and things ainʼt what they used to be.

!            In fact, things have changed so much for Presbyterians in North Belfast that the congregation of Macrory Memorial amalgamated with Fortwilliam Park on the Antrim Road in 2005. Fortwilliam Park hadnʼt been without its trials. I have ministered there for fourteen years and have seen the congregation struggle against break-ins, disinterest, fear, wet and dry rot, alienation, the lot. But now we are together we are a warm and vibrant fellowship of people who have tried to put ourselves into community life in a way which respects those around us and invites them to respect us. We donʼt have much in the way of resources but we try to share what we have and what we have is two sets of buildings - one at Fortwilliam Park and one at Duncairn Gardens that we call Macrory. We sold the church and kept the halls on the Gardens and there we have been developing a Bricks to Bridges Project which has been full of hope. We had to sell the church because we couldnʼt afford to keep it and now it is being let for prices that we canʼt afford. !            The Bricks to Bridges Project focuses on restorative practice and we have been training our leaders to lead out of that ethos, to commit the practice, to apprentice young people in that practice and to use restorative conferencing as an effective tool when things go wrong, as they often do. It is necessarily slow work and we have been greatly encouraged by the response from young people, parents, leaders and other agencies. It has always been our intention to develop the premises at Macrory into a centre for reconciliation. It couldnʼt be in a better location. We have been looking to reorientate the entrance of the building so that it is equally accessible to people from New Lodge and Tigers Bay. We already share those premises with New Lodge Arts and have been lookingto bring on line a bike workshop for at risk young people. It would have been the beginning of our contribution to a wider forum of provision for young people identified through youth justice systems and effective detached youth work. And we would use that time with the young people to begin the restorative training. Part of the commitment was to equal numbers of young people from Tigers Bay and New Lodge. Things have been progressing so well that we had begun to lay down plans for a cross-community football club for primary school children. We had planned a programme up until Christmas which would give the young people separately time to get to know the leaders and the restorative practice and then in the New Year we could bring the young people together into a safe and mutually understood environment. We had planned all of this.

!            I say we ʻhadʼ planned because this week thieves broke into the premises. They stole the copper piping probably worth £20-£30 and they left us with damage somewhere in the region of 60K. Both halls are damaged by the water running from the laid bare pipes and there is other damage too. We have just finished fixing up one hall, our smaller hall, after water damage from a burst pipe during last years freezing temperatures. The floor for that hall cost £10 000 and will have to be done again and we add to that now the floor of the large hall. Yes we will have the assessors out and yes the insurance will pay their part but what are we to do in the meantime? Let the young people roam? Send disenchanted leaders home? Put everything on hold? Wait another year, because thatʼs how long these things take when you have to wait for insurance and builders? We dare not! !            We dare not because the social need only gets worse, the sense of alienation and disenfranchisement continues to increase, economic hardship hardens other views too and there is only danger ahead if we do not persistent in addressing the harm that has been done to communities where there is little hope, little self-respect and little respect for others. We must keep on. But of course it isnʼt that easy. Where else can young people meet so easily across that interface? There are some opportunities but trust has to be won for the place as well as the people and we had reached that stage, to some degree at least. !            So things ainʼt what they used to be. I wouldnʼt want anyone reading this to think that because we are a church I expect us to be treated well. I firmly believe churches have to earn respect these days and itʼs hard work that must be done. But it is so much more difficult when we have to deal with thieves who break in, destroy and tare down. The truth is that they shouldnʼt be blamed. There is no point in that. But they have caused damage. A sorry would help or an explanation. But then we know why, at least in part. We know that there is a sense of not enough to go around and so communities sink to taking what they

can get, never mind the cost to others. What we intended was to address that sinking feeling which leads to despair, hopelessness and ultimate damage to self and others. !            We need to move this on. We need our premises sorted out quickly. We need help and we need to not just put things back the way they are but to get this centre for reconciliation going. If you or anyone you know can help us - give me a call. Our resources wonʼt match this problem.

Rev. Dr. Lesley Carroll Minister of Fortwilliam & Macrory Presbyterian Church.

WAVE

The men’s group has been working on painting.  Some of the men have really gotten into it and shown a talent for it whereas others are not as interested and mostly watch everyone else paint.  Very good conversations and craic always surrounds the painting and I find myself getting to know the men in the group a lot better. This means I get teased more often but I think the group is pleasantly surprised that I can not only accept the teasing but also dish it back myself.   I’ve also learned a lot about the men’s personalities and the group dynamic.  There are a lot of very strong personalities and I’ve learned the places where these personalities compliment each other and get along and the places where they clash. I’ve also learned about the men’s’ individual stories and the reasons why they are drawn to WAVE.  These stories have shown me a glimpse of Northern Ireland I never would have seen otherwise.  The group dynamic is even more impressive knowing these stories because the men are from both sides of the conflict of the Troubles.  There are examples of both sides being equally impacted showing that blame can’t really be focused to one group.  I find myself in awe of the group and shocked by how few moments of tension I feel at WAVE especially knowing the trauma these men have experienced.  They seem to rise above the tendency to blame the other group and rise above the Northern Irish way of saying a larger vaguer group often referred to as “they” are the problem, meaning anyone not a member of my group is the problem. I truly am appreciating the need for cross community work and seeing the benefits of that in much of my work, especially at WAVE.

            Similar dynamics exist in the women’s group, but it takes more observation and the same conclusions are manifested through different interactions.  The women’s group is currently working on bog oak projects.  They are being guided to carve their own sculptures out of the bog oak.  Bog oak consists of various kinds of wood that are anywhere from 5,000 to over 10,000 years old but perfectly preserved from time in the bog.  Oddly enough most of the women are carving their wood into the shapes of women, myself included.  I am getting a lot more involved in the planning for future activities for the women’s group.  Currently we are looking into programming for a residential (term for a retreat).  Its been really encouraging to be trusted enough and relied on to contribute to group programming.  We’ll see how I do.

Newington

Working with the Elderly at the Newington Day Centre is becoming one of my favorite parts of my week.  I don’t know how much I actually help in a manner of speaking.  I pass out tea and toast in the morning, pass out lunches, and clean up after lunch.  However, I would say I spend more time stopping to chat with the elderly ladies than doing tasks described to me in the beginning.  Yet, it doesn’t seem to be a problem in the least.  In fact, I asked once if it was bad or a problem that I spent more time sitting down and talking to the people then helping serve or do other tasks and was told that was all Newington Centre used to do and that it was great I enjoyed doing that.  The women there have so much personality, and they seem to really enjoy me.  They keep encouraging me to “find a nice wee young lad” so I can stay here in Ireland with them.  We often have the same conversations, but rather then find it frustrating or difficult I am finding the conversations endearing and love getting to know their various personalities and quirks.  One women jokes every week that she files formal complaints against me in order to get me sacked, then laughs and hugs me.  Its an adorable tradition and I look forward to seeing her and joking with her each week. 

Other Parts of Life

We went on our first YAV retreat to a centre in Ballycastle called Corrymeela.  It was very relaxing and BEAUTIFUL.  The north coast is breathtaking.  We went to the Giants Causeway which is a natural rock formation going into the sea.  The legend is a giant built the pathway in order to go fight this other guy.  The entire trip was a nice break and allowed a lot of time for reflection.  We got to check in with each other and had time to think about how to put more into our time here and where we want to focus ourselves.  It was a lot of hiking. I spent some time trying to friend some sheep, but they really aren’t friendly and run away.  Shame, they’re missing out on a great friend. ;)  Coming up this week we are all getting together again for our own Thanksgiving on Saturday.  I think we might even play a little touch football and everything.  It should be class.  I think that’s a good update for now. But really someone harass me to update sooner if I wait this long. I think I might be the worst YAV of all the sites at updating my blog. Epic fail, at least I’m not failing at work though right?